By the way, I still haven't received the call that I'm waiting for, to tell me when my transplant will be. I so very much hope that my wait isn't a long one, because I can NOT take much more of this!
Here's what I cannot take much more of: one blasted dialysis infection after another, and along with every infection, my blood pressure goes down and makes the nurses think they have to stop my fluid removal, which means I end up with perpetual chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my beautiful blue eyes...AND I HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!
Two of my nurses this week already told me that I look cute that way. I will tell you the same thing that I told them: "I don't WANT to look "cute"!!! I want to look PRETTY again!!!!!!!"
And there ya have it.
As soon as I am feeling photogenic, I'll get a couple of pictures, of my new glasses. Quite possibly, my new glasses are the best thing to happen to my looks. Again, I have two pairs. They look a lot like the previous two pairs; however this is the first time that I've been able to get transition lenses in both pairs, and also progressive lenses for the first time in my life. Last two pairs, I could only afford to have one of them be transition lenses, but when I first wore that pair, I absolutely fell in love with it, so this time, I got both pairs that way. And this prescription was the first in my life that didn't allow me to choose; automatically, these had to be progressive lenses. When I read, I'm supposed to have to lift my chin a little, but so far, my reading vision is best right out the center. I hope that's a good thing!!!!
So much going on...
Next week, Tuesday I think...nope; Wednesday, the 18th...Tony and Jerry have to go in for their dental cleaning. I hope they're as easy to shuffle off to the v-e-t as their sister was!
More later...
For now, I've gotta rest this damn headache (not a new headache; the same one I've had for the last three days.)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Graft Repair AND Catheter Removal CANCELLED!
So I went to have all of this done.
First of all, the doctor at the CDC Center said he didn’t want to take the catheter out today, because he wanted me to have at least one good treatment using the graft after he unclotted it.
So the catheter removal was rescheduled for Thursday.
HOWEVAH: when he looked at the graft, which was all red and felt warm, he said it looked infected. Without doing any kind of surgery or procedure—just looking at my arm—he said that it looked infected.
At Fresenius, they told me it was red from the EMLA cream, which I have not used since last Friday.
Well, DAMN!!!!!
And because it was infected, everything—catheter removal and all—was again cancelled. Nothing happens until we treat the infection of the graft.
This goddamn graft was supposed to be the 8th wonder of the world!! My life was supposed to be free of infections, free of trouble, this graft was supposed to be the next best thing to having a transplant!!!! DAMN IT!!!!! So after all of the catheter infections, I finally get a graft, and it too is infected!!!!
DAMN IT!!!!
Not only that, but over at Fresenius, don’t they know shit???????!!!! I guess not!
My blood pressure would drop low during treatment, and I kept saying, there’s gotta be something else going on, but what… All that they would do was to put the fluid removal on hold, and then I’d leave treatment with the same puffy chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my eyes, as I had going in to treatment. So not enough fluid was being taken off of me because my blood pressure was dropping. NEWS FLASH: my blood pressure was dropping because of this INFECTION!!!!!!!! Just like it always has. Over the last two years…when I was on “PD” and got peritonitis, same damn thing. Same thing with every single catheter infection. Now, the graft is infected. So of course my blood pressure is going to go down!!!
Damn it, I hate having so many medical problems!!!!!
Today or tomorrow should be the day that I hear a definite “yes” from the Transplant Committee. I hope so, because I can’t keep doing this “emergency run to get a graft and/or a catheter” taken care of!!!!!!!!! I can’t keep doing this at all!!!
So I must remain optimistic about my transplant. It’s gotta happen. They’ve gotta say yes!!!!!!!! They’ve just gotta say yes!!!!!!!!!!
So at this point, I have NO idea when the graft will be repaired, and I have NO idea when the catheter will be taken out...which means, it might be longer than I thought before that visual of yours, of me taking showers again, can come true!! (BUT--hang on to that visual--it couldn't be THAT bad!!)
While I'm at it...that damn chair over at CDC made my tailbone hurt again!! Damn, it hurts again!! If it gets better, I'd prefer that, because if it gets worse, I won't be able to walk. I'm walking OK so far--THIS time...but last September, I couldn't walk for a good month or two until I got myself a pair of crutches, which are now essentially useless, because of the graft in my arm.
First of all, the doctor at the CDC Center said he didn’t want to take the catheter out today, because he wanted me to have at least one good treatment using the graft after he unclotted it.
So the catheter removal was rescheduled for Thursday.
HOWEVAH: when he looked at the graft, which was all red and felt warm, he said it looked infected. Without doing any kind of surgery or procedure—just looking at my arm—he said that it looked infected.
At Fresenius, they told me it was red from the EMLA cream, which I have not used since last Friday.
Well, DAMN!!!!!
And because it was infected, everything—catheter removal and all—was again cancelled. Nothing happens until we treat the infection of the graft.
This goddamn graft was supposed to be the 8th wonder of the world!! My life was supposed to be free of infections, free of trouble, this graft was supposed to be the next best thing to having a transplant!!!! DAMN IT!!!!! So after all of the catheter infections, I finally get a graft, and it too is infected!!!!
DAMN IT!!!!
Not only that, but over at Fresenius, don’t they know shit???????!!!! I guess not!
My blood pressure would drop low during treatment, and I kept saying, there’s gotta be something else going on, but what… All that they would do was to put the fluid removal on hold, and then I’d leave treatment with the same puffy chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my eyes, as I had going in to treatment. So not enough fluid was being taken off of me because my blood pressure was dropping. NEWS FLASH: my blood pressure was dropping because of this INFECTION!!!!!!!! Just like it always has. Over the last two years…when I was on “PD” and got peritonitis, same damn thing. Same thing with every single catheter infection. Now, the graft is infected. So of course my blood pressure is going to go down!!!
Damn it, I hate having so many medical problems!!!!!
Today or tomorrow should be the day that I hear a definite “yes” from the Transplant Committee. I hope so, because I can’t keep doing this “emergency run to get a graft and/or a catheter” taken care of!!!!!!!!! I can’t keep doing this at all!!!
So I must remain optimistic about my transplant. It’s gotta happen. They’ve gotta say yes!!!!!!!! They’ve just gotta say yes!!!!!!!!!!
So at this point, I have NO idea when the graft will be repaired, and I have NO idea when the catheter will be taken out...which means, it might be longer than I thought before that visual of yours, of me taking showers again, can come true!! (BUT--hang on to that visual--it couldn't be THAT bad!!)
While I'm at it...that damn chair over at CDC made my tailbone hurt again!! Damn, it hurts again!! If it gets better, I'd prefer that, because if it gets worse, I won't be able to walk. I'm walking OK so far--THIS time...but last September, I couldn't walk for a good month or two until I got myself a pair of crutches, which are now essentially useless, because of the graft in my arm.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Transplant update
So here's the scooperoni.
My donor finished his testing, and it looks good so far.
He says the Transplant team at the Cleveland Clinic has to have their committee meeting tomorrow (Tuesday the 10th), so we'll know some time after that. He's guessing that he'll hear from someone, as will I, so that's what we're doing now, is waiting for them to tell us the good news and give us dates for our surgeries.
So, I'd guess that by Easter, I'll have my transplant. That's just an optimistic guess, and that's what I've gotta be at the moment--optimistic.
Meanwhile, I talked to my nephrologist and my nurse today. So the scoop is that I have to cut back big time on my fluid intake until my transplant, because apparently when we try to take too much fluid off at once, that's a problem with the graft. So the solution is to not drink so much in the first place; that way I won't have to put up with having chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my eyes. I mean, in case my pictures don't tell you so, I have big blue eyes (beauty is in the eye of the beholder...you tell me)...so when my cheeks puff up over my eyes because I'm waterlogged, it drives me totally bonkers! So, it's less than a 500-mL bottle of water per day for me...and preferably no soup.
Thank God my transplant is coming up soon, because I love ice chips--to a damn fault!
Again, I'm outta here. ;-)
My donor finished his testing, and it looks good so far.
He says the Transplant team at the Cleveland Clinic has to have their committee meeting tomorrow (Tuesday the 10th), so we'll know some time after that. He's guessing that he'll hear from someone, as will I, so that's what we're doing now, is waiting for them to tell us the good news and give us dates for our surgeries.
So, I'd guess that by Easter, I'll have my transplant. That's just an optimistic guess, and that's what I've gotta be at the moment--optimistic.
Meanwhile, I talked to my nephrologist and my nurse today. So the scoop is that I have to cut back big time on my fluid intake until my transplant, because apparently when we try to take too much fluid off at once, that's a problem with the graft. So the solution is to not drink so much in the first place; that way I won't have to put up with having chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my eyes. I mean, in case my pictures don't tell you so, I have big blue eyes (beauty is in the eye of the beholder...you tell me)...so when my cheeks puff up over my eyes because I'm waterlogged, it drives me totally bonkers! So, it's less than a 500-mL bottle of water per day for me...and preferably no soup.
Thank God my transplant is coming up soon, because I love ice chips--to a damn fault!
Again, I'm outta here. ;-)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
3 months & 7 days.....
So next Monday--the 16th--will be exactly 3 months before my birthday.
Can I level with ya????
I don't really want another birthday.
Again, I'm bummed. Worn out. Dejected. And besides, last year, I was made to absolutely regret ever having a birthday.
So, I really don't want another birthday.
However, I don't want to bring you down. So, I'll again disappear.
Laaaaaaaaaaater!
Can I level with ya????
I don't really want another birthday.
Again, I'm bummed. Worn out. Dejected. And besides, last year, I was made to absolutely regret ever having a birthday.
So, I really don't want another birthday.
However, I don't want to bring you down. So, I'll again disappear.
Laaaaaaaaaaater!
Graft Repair This Week >:-(
Yes, I'm upset about that.
I got this graft only a little over a month ago.
I was led to believe that it was the best thing that could ever happen to me--short of a transplant, that is.
I was led to believe that it was practically the 8th wonder of the world.
HA!!!!!
Last Wednesday (the same day that my donor was supposed to have finished his testing, so now it SHOULD only be a matter of time before we find out when his nephrectomy, and my transplant, will be), there was a bit of trouble with clotting on the machine. But I was told that it was the machine's fault, not the graft.
Coincidence???? I wonder. That night, after I got home, I listened for my blood running through the damn graft, and I heard nothing. I felt for a pulse, and I felt nothing. For the first time in all of this time that I've had this graft, I suddenly heard and felt nothing.
So Friday, the catheter was used, as it will be tomorrow (IF I can drag myself to treatment!!!!). I look forward to the fact that on Tuesday, either before or after the graft gets repaired, the catheter will come out, and then it will only be a matter of days before I can start taking showers again (now THERE's a visual for you!!...HA!).
However, this "trouble with this, trouble with that" part of dialysis is BEYOND wearing thin!!!!
Besides, sometimes I wonder why I even bother!! It would be sooooooooo easy--and damn-near tempting--to just quit, and in a week and a half, no one would have to worry about me ever again. Don't think I wouldn't love to go that route.
Sorry for all of this talk. I'm bummed, that's all.
And before I say too much, I'm going to disappear again.
I got this graft only a little over a month ago.
I was led to believe that it was the best thing that could ever happen to me--short of a transplant, that is.
I was led to believe that it was practically the 8th wonder of the world.
HA!!!!!
Last Wednesday (the same day that my donor was supposed to have finished his testing, so now it SHOULD only be a matter of time before we find out when his nephrectomy, and my transplant, will be), there was a bit of trouble with clotting on the machine. But I was told that it was the machine's fault, not the graft.
Coincidence???? I wonder. That night, after I got home, I listened for my blood running through the damn graft, and I heard nothing. I felt for a pulse, and I felt nothing. For the first time in all of this time that I've had this graft, I suddenly heard and felt nothing.
So Friday, the catheter was used, as it will be tomorrow (IF I can drag myself to treatment!!!!). I look forward to the fact that on Tuesday, either before or after the graft gets repaired, the catheter will come out, and then it will only be a matter of days before I can start taking showers again (now THERE's a visual for you!!...HA!).
However, this "trouble with this, trouble with that" part of dialysis is BEYOND wearing thin!!!!
Besides, sometimes I wonder why I even bother!! It would be sooooooooo easy--and damn-near tempting--to just quit, and in a week and a half, no one would have to worry about me ever again. Don't think I wouldn't love to go that route.
Sorry for all of this talk. I'm bummed, that's all.
And before I say too much, I'm going to disappear again.
Monday, February 23, 2009
My 10-year anniversary--
I just remembered....Oh, sure, at 11:30 at night, I finally remembered...today, 2/23/09, was the 10-year anniversary of when my divorce became final.
I thought surely I'd be married again by now.
(*SIGH*)
Oh well...maybe after my transplant.
I thought surely I'd be married again by now.
(*SIGH*)
Oh well...maybe after my transplant.
It'll pay to think POSITIVE!!
This afternoon, while I'm having a splitting dialysis headache (again), I was reminded that some people haven't yet learned that if you want something to happen, you have to think positive!!!
Apparently my 64-year-old mother hasn't learned this yet. She went ahead and rescheduled our dental appointments, which were originally at the end of April, and set them for the beginning of May. Why???? Because this week, and this month, I will have dialysis on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday????? So automatically I'll have dialysis those three days a week in three months from now????????? I'm supposed to have my transplant before then!!!!!!
I basically had kittens. First of all, my donor is going to finish up his testing next Wednesday, March 4th. He's still in perfect health, his kidneys still work beautifully, so there's really nothing else I have to wait for other than for him to have his nephrectomy, and that shouldn't be too far down the line at all. By April 22, I'll either be having my transplant that week or I will have just had it. How do I know?????? Because I am thinking POSITIVE!!!
According to my experience, in my short life, you've got to think positive if you want something to happen. There's no other way. If you're in bad health, you've got to think positive if you're ever going to feel better. If you want to have a transplant, or a hysterectomy, or in my case both, you've got to think positive.
Somehow, I don't think I'm wrong. Whereas Mom has been married for 40 years, and pretty much stuck here like fine china, I went out into the real world. I met other people. I lived. So I know that for something to happen, you have to think positive. Affirm, even! Affirm yourself to better health. Affirm a transplant & a hysterectomy. Affirm, affirm.
Feedback????!!!!
Now that I got that off my chest....the needle today again didn't hurt going in, but hurt like the devil coming out, and my arm again hurt for a while after the needle came out.
And now that I shared that with you, I've gotta take a quick nap and see if this headache clears up.
Apparently my 64-year-old mother hasn't learned this yet. She went ahead and rescheduled our dental appointments, which were originally at the end of April, and set them for the beginning of May. Why???? Because this week, and this month, I will have dialysis on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday????? So automatically I'll have dialysis those three days a week in three months from now????????? I'm supposed to have my transplant before then!!!!!!
I basically had kittens. First of all, my donor is going to finish up his testing next Wednesday, March 4th. He's still in perfect health, his kidneys still work beautifully, so there's really nothing else I have to wait for other than for him to have his nephrectomy, and that shouldn't be too far down the line at all. By April 22, I'll either be having my transplant that week or I will have just had it. How do I know?????? Because I am thinking POSITIVE!!!
According to my experience, in my short life, you've got to think positive if you want something to happen. There's no other way. If you're in bad health, you've got to think positive if you're ever going to feel better. If you want to have a transplant, or a hysterectomy, or in my case both, you've got to think positive.
Somehow, I don't think I'm wrong. Whereas Mom has been married for 40 years, and pretty much stuck here like fine china, I went out into the real world. I met other people. I lived. So I know that for something to happen, you have to think positive. Affirm, even! Affirm yourself to better health. Affirm a transplant & a hysterectomy. Affirm, affirm.
Feedback????!!!!
Now that I got that off my chest....the needle today again didn't hurt going in, but hurt like the devil coming out, and my arm again hurt for a while after the needle came out.
And now that I shared that with you, I've gotta take a quick nap and see if this headache clears up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)