I just remembered....Oh, sure, at 11:30 at night, I finally remembered...today, 2/23/09, was the 10-year anniversary of when my divorce became final.
I thought surely I'd be married again by now.
(*SIGH*)
Oh well...maybe after my transplant.
Monday, February 23, 2009
It'll pay to think POSITIVE!!
This afternoon, while I'm having a splitting dialysis headache (again), I was reminded that some people haven't yet learned that if you want something to happen, you have to think positive!!!
Apparently my 64-year-old mother hasn't learned this yet. She went ahead and rescheduled our dental appointments, which were originally at the end of April, and set them for the beginning of May. Why???? Because this week, and this month, I will have dialysis on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday????? So automatically I'll have dialysis those three days a week in three months from now????????? I'm supposed to have my transplant before then!!!!!!
I basically had kittens. First of all, my donor is going to finish up his testing next Wednesday, March 4th. He's still in perfect health, his kidneys still work beautifully, so there's really nothing else I have to wait for other than for him to have his nephrectomy, and that shouldn't be too far down the line at all. By April 22, I'll either be having my transplant that week or I will have just had it. How do I know?????? Because I am thinking POSITIVE!!!
According to my experience, in my short life, you've got to think positive if you want something to happen. There's no other way. If you're in bad health, you've got to think positive if you're ever going to feel better. If you want to have a transplant, or a hysterectomy, or in my case both, you've got to think positive.
Somehow, I don't think I'm wrong. Whereas Mom has been married for 40 years, and pretty much stuck here like fine china, I went out into the real world. I met other people. I lived. So I know that for something to happen, you have to think positive. Affirm, even! Affirm yourself to better health. Affirm a transplant & a hysterectomy. Affirm, affirm.
Feedback????!!!!
Now that I got that off my chest....the needle today again didn't hurt going in, but hurt like the devil coming out, and my arm again hurt for a while after the needle came out.
And now that I shared that with you, I've gotta take a quick nap and see if this headache clears up.
Apparently my 64-year-old mother hasn't learned this yet. She went ahead and rescheduled our dental appointments, which were originally at the end of April, and set them for the beginning of May. Why???? Because this week, and this month, I will have dialysis on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday????? So automatically I'll have dialysis those three days a week in three months from now????????? I'm supposed to have my transplant before then!!!!!!
I basically had kittens. First of all, my donor is going to finish up his testing next Wednesday, March 4th. He's still in perfect health, his kidneys still work beautifully, so there's really nothing else I have to wait for other than for him to have his nephrectomy, and that shouldn't be too far down the line at all. By April 22, I'll either be having my transplant that week or I will have just had it. How do I know?????? Because I am thinking POSITIVE!!!
According to my experience, in my short life, you've got to think positive if you want something to happen. There's no other way. If you're in bad health, you've got to think positive if you're ever going to feel better. If you want to have a transplant, or a hysterectomy, or in my case both, you've got to think positive.
Somehow, I don't think I'm wrong. Whereas Mom has been married for 40 years, and pretty much stuck here like fine china, I went out into the real world. I met other people. I lived. So I know that for something to happen, you have to think positive. Affirm, even! Affirm yourself to better health. Affirm a transplant & a hysterectomy. Affirm, affirm.
Feedback????!!!!
Now that I got that off my chest....the needle today again didn't hurt going in, but hurt like the devil coming out, and my arm again hurt for a while after the needle came out.
And now that I shared that with you, I've gotta take a quick nap and see if this headache clears up.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
One year ago today...
It's the 13th already.
YIKES! It's Friday the 13th! That's even worse!
One year ago today, was when I finally let myself get taken over to the ICU at University Hospitals, in downtown Cleveland.
For about a week, I had been getting dizzy and passing out often, without a warning. I remember that talking myself out of it didn't work; I had tried talking myself out of it while I was on the stairs which go from our attic to our living room, and I fell right down. My blood pressure had gone way down (when I say down, I mean like, the triage nurse told me I was "not dead yet"), I was severely dehydrated, I had peritonitis, and I had been getting inadequate dialysis for at least since I started on what's affectionately called "PD" (Peritoneal Dialysis). I was a mess, alright. On the plus side, I was nice and slender. I remember how bony my little paws looked. That's how I prefer to look...even if it wasn't right.
While in the ICU, one of the doctors told me that if I hadn't gone in the way I did, I might have eventally slipped into a coma and ultimately passed away.
One year later, I wish I had gone that route. All I have is a $3,000+ bill, for nothing.
YIKES! It's Friday the 13th! That's even worse!
One year ago today, was when I finally let myself get taken over to the ICU at University Hospitals, in downtown Cleveland.
For about a week, I had been getting dizzy and passing out often, without a warning. I remember that talking myself out of it didn't work; I had tried talking myself out of it while I was on the stairs which go from our attic to our living room, and I fell right down. My blood pressure had gone way down (when I say down, I mean like, the triage nurse told me I was "not dead yet"), I was severely dehydrated, I had peritonitis, and I had been getting inadequate dialysis for at least since I started on what's affectionately called "PD" (Peritoneal Dialysis). I was a mess, alright. On the plus side, I was nice and slender. I remember how bony my little paws looked. That's how I prefer to look...even if it wasn't right.
While in the ICU, one of the doctors told me that if I hadn't gone in the way I did, I might have eventally slipped into a coma and ultimately passed away.
One year later, I wish I had gone that route. All I have is a $3,000+ bill, for nothing.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
So far, so good...I think.
Well, so far, so good.
I haven't yet gotten addicted to Percocet. On the contrary: I don't always take it when I need it.
Last time I got addicted to anything, though, I got addicted to having less, rather than more. It's true. Years ago...let me check...aaahhh, 24 years ago almost, I started an innocent diet, and it turned into a full-blown eating disorder. I recovered after one year/-30 lbs.
That brings me to a point. I never heard of a kidney disease being caused by an eating disorder. I just hope that wasn't the case at all!!! Even if it was, I didn't mean to carry my diet out of control. It just sort of happened that way. I didn't mean to give myself PKD, and besides, I don't think I did.
To this day, though, I wonder.
I also wish I was as thin as I was then...but, at this point, I think I'd better be more concerned about my health. I promise I won't put my new kidney through that at all!!
I do have it in me, though, to lose my appetite on a dime and not get it back for two or three days. But that's different, really.
I can hardly wait till my transplant anyway!!! The thought of those needles is enough to make me reeeeeally nervous.
I'll be back later...or in a couple days.
I haven't yet gotten addicted to Percocet. On the contrary: I don't always take it when I need it.
Last time I got addicted to anything, though, I got addicted to having less, rather than more. It's true. Years ago...let me check...aaahhh, 24 years ago almost, I started an innocent diet, and it turned into a full-blown eating disorder. I recovered after one year/-30 lbs.
That brings me to a point. I never heard of a kidney disease being caused by an eating disorder. I just hope that wasn't the case at all!!! Even if it was, I didn't mean to carry my diet out of control. It just sort of happened that way. I didn't mean to give myself PKD, and besides, I don't think I did.
To this day, though, I wonder.
I also wish I was as thin as I was then...but, at this point, I think I'd better be more concerned about my health. I promise I won't put my new kidney through that at all!!
I do have it in me, though, to lose my appetite on a dime and not get it back for two or three days. But that's different, really.
I can hardly wait till my transplant anyway!!! The thought of those needles is enough to make me reeeeeally nervous.
I'll be back later...or in a couple days.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
2-3 lonnnnnnnnnng months...
Looks like the next 2-3 months of dialysis may be long ones.
Why??
Well, first I was told I couldn't take Excedrin after I had the graft put in last week.
Now, here's an interesting fact: the ONLY painkillers that work for me are Excedrin and Percocet. This leaves Percocet. So....as long as I take it as prescribed, which I am, I'll be okay. BUT--as prescribed could become habit-forming.
And, as if that's not enough, to prepare for having needles in my arm during dialysis, I get to take yet another controlled med: Ativan. I'm familiar with it. I actually like it a lot. I wish I could always be on it.
Hmmmmm.....so now, thanks to the short time of dialysis that I have left, I get a chance to become dependent on two of my meds???
Wish me luck. I'm sure I won't think I need them, per se, when this is all over. Then again....my nurse might be creating a monster.
Naaaaaaaaaaaahhhh...
Just thought I'd put in my two-cents worth in about that. You know, it's essentially impossible to get controlled meds refilled??? It's true. I've tried. When my tailbone was hurting so much that I couldn't even walk, except with crutches...I tried to get a refill on Percocet; didn't happen.
Gee whiz, I hope I make it through the next 2 - 3 months without getting hooked!!
And then, when it's all done, there's the Excedrin, which I never was really hooked on, per se; I just started getting analgesic rebound headaches and ended up taking like 20 Excedrins a day...but that was 7 years ago. Now, I get to start from scratch.
I'm soooooooooooooo thrilled, again, that my transplant is so near on the horizon!!!!! The question now is, how long will my new kidney last???? If it's a healthy one, it should last forever. I plan to take all my post-transplant meds exactly as prescribed, whatever it takes. And, since all I had wrong with my old kidneys was PKD, I've read that PKD doesn't affect the replacement kidney, so--other than the fact that I have a polycystic liver--I'll be practically cured, as long as I don't inherit Mom's diabetes!!!!
If you've been keeping me in your thoughts & prayers, I thank you soooooooooo very much!! None of this might be happening without your help!! I love you!
Why??
Well, first I was told I couldn't take Excedrin after I had the graft put in last week.
Now, here's an interesting fact: the ONLY painkillers that work for me are Excedrin and Percocet. This leaves Percocet. So....as long as I take it as prescribed, which I am, I'll be okay. BUT--as prescribed could become habit-forming.
And, as if that's not enough, to prepare for having needles in my arm during dialysis, I get to take yet another controlled med: Ativan. I'm familiar with it. I actually like it a lot. I wish I could always be on it.
Hmmmmm.....so now, thanks to the short time of dialysis that I have left, I get a chance to become dependent on two of my meds???
Wish me luck. I'm sure I won't think I need them, per se, when this is all over. Then again....my nurse might be creating a monster.
Naaaaaaaaaaaahhhh...
Just thought I'd put in my two-cents worth in about that. You know, it's essentially impossible to get controlled meds refilled??? It's true. I've tried. When my tailbone was hurting so much that I couldn't even walk, except with crutches...I tried to get a refill on Percocet; didn't happen.
Gee whiz, I hope I make it through the next 2 - 3 months without getting hooked!!
And then, when it's all done, there's the Excedrin, which I never was really hooked on, per se; I just started getting analgesic rebound headaches and ended up taking like 20 Excedrins a day...but that was 7 years ago. Now, I get to start from scratch.
I'm soooooooooooooo thrilled, again, that my transplant is so near on the horizon!!!!! The question now is, how long will my new kidney last???? If it's a healthy one, it should last forever. I plan to take all my post-transplant meds exactly as prescribed, whatever it takes. And, since all I had wrong with my old kidneys was PKD, I've read that PKD doesn't affect the replacement kidney, so--other than the fact that I have a polycystic liver--I'll be practically cured, as long as I don't inherit Mom's diabetes!!!!
If you've been keeping me in your thoughts & prayers, I thank you soooooooooo very much!! None of this might be happening without your help!! I love you!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
2-3 months, most likely
So I heard from my donor again, and he tells me it'll take about 1-2 months to complete the rest of his tests. However, he already did most of those tests, and he passed, and he's still in good health, so it looks VERY good.
That means, most likely, my transplant will be in about 2-3 months.
Just thought I'd let you know.
That'll be around Easter. Hmmmmm.....I thought I visualized a Christmas transplant. My visualization skills must need a little sharpening.
Oh well. At least it'll be before my birthday (June 16).
I hope my arm gets better, though!! I sure hope having this graft doesn't mean it's permanently swollen!!!!!!!!
Note: if you ever see me in person, PLEASE do NOT look at my right arm!!!! Otherwise, you'll notice that my appearance has been marred!!! If you just don't look at my right arm, I'll have all the good looks you'd have noticed otherwise...if that makes any sense.
Thanks for understanding.
That means, most likely, my transplant will be in about 2-3 months.
Just thought I'd let you know.
That'll be around Easter. Hmmmmm.....I thought I visualized a Christmas transplant. My visualization skills must need a little sharpening.
Oh well. At least it'll be before my birthday (June 16).
I hope my arm gets better, though!! I sure hope having this graft doesn't mean it's permanently swollen!!!!!!!!
Note: if you ever see me in person, PLEASE do NOT look at my right arm!!!! Otherwise, you'll notice that my appearance has been marred!!! If you just don't look at my right arm, I'll have all the good looks you'd have noticed otherwise...if that makes any sense.
Thanks for understanding.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Alright, some good news--I think
I e-mailed my potential donor last night. Well, let me back up. About 3-4 weeks ago, I heard from a possible donor right over here in Lyndhurst, who said he would be interested in being my donor. So about 3 weeks ago, he got tested to see if we're a match.
And this afternoon, he told me that we're a match. So that's the first big step. We're a match. Now, he has to go through a few tests to be sure that he's a good candidate. Then.....I presume this means I'm getting a transplant pretty soon--finally!! I'm soooooooooooo thrilled!!
Just thought I'd let you know.
Gee whiz! My right arm is slightly bigger than my left one...and, it feels like it's perpetually asleep. I did NOT want this graft put in, for that very reason...because, at my age, with whatever good looks I still have left, I did NOT need to lose being symmetrical. Now, I'm that much LESS good-looking. Damn! (So, don't look at my right arm, and you won't know my appearance has been marred!!) Well...I have the graft anyway...in case my new kidney fails me for some reason; however, it shouldn't. At least maybe I won't have to have needles in my arm for the next 5 years. So, like I said, I'm thrilled!
But--it's still kind of hard to type.
And this afternoon, he told me that we're a match. So that's the first big step. We're a match. Now, he has to go through a few tests to be sure that he's a good candidate. Then.....I presume this means I'm getting a transplant pretty soon--finally!! I'm soooooooooooo thrilled!!
Just thought I'd let you know.
Gee whiz! My right arm is slightly bigger than my left one...and, it feels like it's perpetually asleep. I did NOT want this graft put in, for that very reason...because, at my age, with whatever good looks I still have left, I did NOT need to lose being symmetrical. Now, I'm that much LESS good-looking. Damn! (So, don't look at my right arm, and you won't know my appearance has been marred!!) Well...I have the graft anyway...in case my new kidney fails me for some reason; however, it shouldn't. At least maybe I won't have to have needles in my arm for the next 5 years. So, like I said, I'm thrilled!
But--it's still kind of hard to type.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
OK. I'm back--I think.
Typing has been quite a challenge since my surgery on Wednesday. But, it’s a challenge that I’ve chosen to take on, to a point…I couldn’t hope to do too much typing with my arm getting both sore and numb at the same time. Thanks to the Percocet, the soreness doesn’t last…but it feels like it’s perpetually asleep. This is unnerving. Typing, and driving even, are challenges. However, they’re challenges that I want to take on. I could NEVER live without typing, or driving…that is, except when I was told I couldn’t drive because I was still coming out of the anesthetic. Other than that, it’s my preference to drive.
My arm is still bruised and swollen at this moment. I can’t believe I had this graft put in!! I can’t believe I went through with it!
As long as my nurse really does have a good sedative to give me, so I don’t mind the needles as much as I would otherwise, I guess it’ll be somewhat tolerable…I’m sure I’ll still mind the needles—just not quite as much if I’m mildly sedated.
And, as long as this graft—when ready to use—really means less infections. If it’s really worth all the trouble, then I’m glad I went through with it.
However, I’ll definitely miss being able to, say, work on cars like I used to. Oh, I might be able to do an oil change, if invited to…but some of the other work I used to do on cars, I guess, will be out of the question. RATS!!
The question is, will I ever play the drums again??? No, I never did before…but I could have, if I had the chance. Now, I must ask, can I ever???
My little Muppet had two teeth extracted on Friday. She was such a good sport. She came home in the evening, after being at the vet’s all day. Within this next month, I have to get Tony & Jerry in for their dental cleanings.
I’m glad our surgeries are behind us…but I sure miss having full use of my right arm! I’m told I’ll regain use of it after a few weeks, except heavy lifting; I hope so!!!!
OK, my arm is starting to go numb again.
Before I close, I want to say one more thing. Last night, I had a dream that I got a call from someone to let me know that my potential donor was a match!!! So, that would have meant—if I’d really gotten that call—that I’d be getting a transplant pretty soon! I’m afraid THAT call only came to me in my dream….but, sometimes my dreams come true. That’s why I’m working on NEVER having ANY nightmares—EVER.
One more thing—it’s February 1st. One year ago today, I tried to go back on peritoneal dialysis, after being on hemodialysis for about two months. One year ago today was the first day of three of the longest months of my life, as going back on “PD” did NOT go well at all. I got severely dehydrated, my blood pressure went way down, and I got peritonitis right away. However, it would be another three months before we found out WHY I kept getting peritonitis. (Perforated ulcer, from too much ibuprofen) That's why I'm back on hemodialysis; once you have peritonitis twice, they figure you can't be on "PD" anymore at all.
Oh, and by the way---I’m sure—positive, even—that I can travel with this arm. Then again, by the time I’m ready to travel, it’ll be all healed up beautifully, so no need to worry. Just thought I’d mention it. There’s not a medical condition, or treatment, yet that could keep THIS woman from traveling!
My arm is still bruised and swollen at this moment. I can’t believe I had this graft put in!! I can’t believe I went through with it!
As long as my nurse really does have a good sedative to give me, so I don’t mind the needles as much as I would otherwise, I guess it’ll be somewhat tolerable…I’m sure I’ll still mind the needles—just not quite as much if I’m mildly sedated.
And, as long as this graft—when ready to use—really means less infections. If it’s really worth all the trouble, then I’m glad I went through with it.
However, I’ll definitely miss being able to, say, work on cars like I used to. Oh, I might be able to do an oil change, if invited to…but some of the other work I used to do on cars, I guess, will be out of the question. RATS!!
The question is, will I ever play the drums again??? No, I never did before…but I could have, if I had the chance. Now, I must ask, can I ever???
My little Muppet had two teeth extracted on Friday. She was such a good sport. She came home in the evening, after being at the vet’s all day. Within this next month, I have to get Tony & Jerry in for their dental cleanings.
I’m glad our surgeries are behind us…but I sure miss having full use of my right arm! I’m told I’ll regain use of it after a few weeks, except heavy lifting; I hope so!!!!
OK, my arm is starting to go numb again.
Before I close, I want to say one more thing. Last night, I had a dream that I got a call from someone to let me know that my potential donor was a match!!! So, that would have meant—if I’d really gotten that call—that I’d be getting a transplant pretty soon! I’m afraid THAT call only came to me in my dream….but, sometimes my dreams come true. That’s why I’m working on NEVER having ANY nightmares—EVER.
One more thing—it’s February 1st. One year ago today, I tried to go back on peritoneal dialysis, after being on hemodialysis for about two months. One year ago today was the first day of three of the longest months of my life, as going back on “PD” did NOT go well at all. I got severely dehydrated, my blood pressure went way down, and I got peritonitis right away. However, it would be another three months before we found out WHY I kept getting peritonitis. (Perforated ulcer, from too much ibuprofen) That's why I'm back on hemodialysis; once you have peritonitis twice, they figure you can't be on "PD" anymore at all.
Oh, and by the way---I’m sure—positive, even—that I can travel with this arm. Then again, by the time I’m ready to travel, it’ll be all healed up beautifully, so no need to worry. Just thought I’d mention it. There’s not a medical condition, or treatment, yet that could keep THIS woman from traveling!
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