Just wanted to sneak back and see if I can answer the question of what'll ever become of this blog, as thank goodness, I've done what I set out to do, which was to find a living kidney donor.
Well...there's still my three wonderful cats to share stories about.
Let me start with two.
These go back a ways. Both of these tales have to do with Jerry...my "double miracle" kitty.
Summer, 2006: one time, I had to walk past Jerry to get my water glass. I told the little guy. And he answered, "Meow-Wa-Wa!" Naturally, this meant "water". I knew that. Smart cat.
And it got better. Also Summer, 2006: I was getting ready, quickly, to drive out to Chicago--actually, East Dundee, IL--to visit DJ Dick Biondi (for the record: that's Dick and me in my blog photo; that's from when I was there). I had already told my cats about this. Jerry replied, quite clearly, "Meow-WOW-i !!!!" This, of course, was his way of saying "Biondi". I knew that.
That's a start. More cat tales...er, ah...tails???....no....tales....to come.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!
For starters, I thank my grandmother, whom we think has been watching over me today. I don't even remember being near her; she passed away at age 50--shortly before my 4th birthday.
We were going to visit this Swedish bakery that was supposed to be right by the Heinen's (one of the supermarkets here in Cleveland) where Grandma used to shop.
Well...we never did find that bakery, but we did stop in Heinen's for a few things.
My day started off wonderful, though. I just happened to be in the dining room when the phone rang. I answered. It was the Living Donors coordinator from the Cleveland Clinic!!!!!!! YES!!! Believe me, inside I'm jumping up and down with glee, even if I don't appear absolutely thrilled.
At first she said I'd want to schedule my transplant for maybe some time in May or June. Then, she confirmed that I have indeed just had a systemic infection, so she said that I'd want to not waste a single second...as soon as this infection is cleared up, I want to schedule the transplant right away!!!!!! This could be within a week, darlin'!!! YES!! YES!!!!
I want to take this opportunity to send out a big, heartfelt THANK YOU SO MUCH, to all of you who have kept me in your thoughts and prayers this whole time, and I hope you don't forget me after my transplant, because then, I won't have an immune system to speak of...so I'll be fragile, in a whole new way. But at least these two years of dialysis--and all of the nightmares related to dialysis--are finally coming to an end!!!!!!! YES!!! Thank you once again. If you're one of those who's kept me in your thoughts & prayers--and you know who you are!!--I thank you with all of my heart.
Take Care.
We were going to visit this Swedish bakery that was supposed to be right by the Heinen's (one of the supermarkets here in Cleveland) where Grandma used to shop.
Well...we never did find that bakery, but we did stop in Heinen's for a few things.
My day started off wonderful, though. I just happened to be in the dining room when the phone rang. I answered. It was the Living Donors coordinator from the Cleveland Clinic!!!!!!! YES!!! Believe me, inside I'm jumping up and down with glee, even if I don't appear absolutely thrilled.
At first she said I'd want to schedule my transplant for maybe some time in May or June. Then, she confirmed that I have indeed just had a systemic infection, so she said that I'd want to not waste a single second...as soon as this infection is cleared up, I want to schedule the transplant right away!!!!!! This could be within a week, darlin'!!! YES!! YES!!!!
I want to take this opportunity to send out a big, heartfelt THANK YOU SO MUCH, to all of you who have kept me in your thoughts and prayers this whole time, and I hope you don't forget me after my transplant, because then, I won't have an immune system to speak of...so I'll be fragile, in a whole new way. But at least these two years of dialysis--and all of the nightmares related to dialysis--are finally coming to an end!!!!!!! YES!!! Thank you once again. If you're one of those who's kept me in your thoughts & prayers--and you know who you are!!--I thank you with all of my heart.
Take Care.
Monday, March 23, 2009
...and my wait for a kidney transplant gets longer....and longer...and longer.
Thought I'd sneak back here and give you the latest, along with kind of a timeline.
March 4th, my living donor was supposed to have finished his testing.
The following Tuesday, which was March 10th, the Transplant Committee at the Cleveland Clinic was supposed to have reached a decision as to whether he'd be a good donor for me.
He already passed all of his testing--for the second time, he told me.
So it's up to the Transplant Committee, and they've now had two weeks to decide.
If there's one thing I cannot stand to believe, it's that maybe this never really happened in the first place.
I mean, I've heard about not trusting someone unless you've met them in person.
But this guy was so damned honest!! And besides, what kind of a person would ever string someone in my position along like that!!!
That would be just too inhumane.
So, I'm left to believe that the Transplant Committee just doesn't want to let us know of their decision, or that they want me to wait 5 years after all, even with a living donor telling them that he wants to be my donor.
5 years...of infection after infection after infection, all related to dialysis?????
No thank you! I'll quit right now, if it's gonna come down to that.
And, I'm gonna close here.
To think, March is almost over. I was supposed to get my transplant already by now...and nothing is happening yet.
Laaaaaaaaater.
March 4th, my living donor was supposed to have finished his testing.
The following Tuesday, which was March 10th, the Transplant Committee at the Cleveland Clinic was supposed to have reached a decision as to whether he'd be a good donor for me.
He already passed all of his testing--for the second time, he told me.
So it's up to the Transplant Committee, and they've now had two weeks to decide.
If there's one thing I cannot stand to believe, it's that maybe this never really happened in the first place.
I mean, I've heard about not trusting someone unless you've met them in person.
But this guy was so damned honest!! And besides, what kind of a person would ever string someone in my position along like that!!!
That would be just too inhumane.
So, I'm left to believe that the Transplant Committee just doesn't want to let us know of their decision, or that they want me to wait 5 years after all, even with a living donor telling them that he wants to be my donor.
5 years...of infection after infection after infection, all related to dialysis?????
No thank you! I'll quit right now, if it's gonna come down to that.
And, I'm gonna close here.
To think, March is almost over. I was supposed to get my transplant already by now...and nothing is happening yet.
Laaaaaaaaater.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Too much negativity
Here's the thing.
Today, my "boys"--Tony & Jerry--were supposed to go to the "v-e-t" to have their dental cleaning today.
BUT--my dad, who's big on negative thinking, told my mom not to take them in until I'm out of the hospital.
This goes against my positive thinking, you see. Part of thinking positive about my transplant is to keep my calendar open, so that I don't have to keep canceling my other appointments.
You don't have to believe me if you don't want to, but I sat through Transplant 101, so I know two things: first of all, when it looks like your transplant (or mine, in this case) is close on the horizon, you've gotta keep your schedule open, because if you're tied up when they're ready to take you in, you'll miss your chance and end up waiting the usual 5+ years for a cadaver kidney. Second of all, while the donor is in and out relatively quickly, the recipient stays in the hospital for about 2 weeks.
And that's how it is.
I have NO idea now when we're supposed to get Tony & Jerry in for their dental cleaning, but I really didn't feel like postponing it for as long as it looks like we'll have to postpone it now, as I'm keeping my calendar open so that I don't miss my transplant.
I hate being in the hospital!!! I end up losing all control over everything when I'm in here!
I should be out of here either today or tomorrow, by the way. So that I can be ready for that, I'm going to close here and get freshened up (now there's a visual!).
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaater, gator! ;-)
Today, my "boys"--Tony & Jerry--were supposed to go to the "v-e-t" to have their dental cleaning today.
BUT--my dad, who's big on negative thinking, told my mom not to take them in until I'm out of the hospital.
This goes against my positive thinking, you see. Part of thinking positive about my transplant is to keep my calendar open, so that I don't have to keep canceling my other appointments.
You don't have to believe me if you don't want to, but I sat through Transplant 101, so I know two things: first of all, when it looks like your transplant (or mine, in this case) is close on the horizon, you've gotta keep your schedule open, because if you're tied up when they're ready to take you in, you'll miss your chance and end up waiting the usual 5+ years for a cadaver kidney. Second of all, while the donor is in and out relatively quickly, the recipient stays in the hospital for about 2 weeks.
And that's how it is.
I have NO idea now when we're supposed to get Tony & Jerry in for their dental cleaning, but I really didn't feel like postponing it for as long as it looks like we'll have to postpone it now, as I'm keeping my calendar open so that I don't miss my transplant.
I hate being in the hospital!!! I end up losing all control over everything when I'm in here!
I should be out of here either today or tomorrow, by the way. So that I can be ready for that, I'm going to close here and get freshened up (now there's a visual!).
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaater, gator! ;-)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Happy St. Paddy's Day!!
Somehow, I don't feel so lucky at all this St. Patrick's Day.
Yesterday, I had to be admitted (AGAIN) to the Cleveland Clinic.
I heard that I was one of the "overflow" patients, which means that I was supposed to be an outpatient, but they had too many other outpatients, so I'm an inpatient.
My nephrologist had told me that I'd be here for about 3 - 4 days. We shall see if that's the case. My surgeon told me that I'd be here for about 1 - 2 days.
Who knows. I'm under the impression that the right paw doesn't know what the left paw is doing.
Here's the scooperoni (again): I had a graft put in my right arm on Jan. 28th. Said graft was supposed to be a wonderful thing...practically the 8th wonder of the world. Last week or so ago, I went to have said graft unclotted, as it had suddenly stopped working the week before. But, this couldn't be done, as said graft had supposedly developed an infection. I did, indeed, test positive for another systemic infection. So...here I am. Said graft had to come out, faster than it went in. This means they again have to use the catheter for dialysis (of course), and also this means my arm, where the graft was, has to stay bandaged up because I couldn't be stitched back closed.
This makes for a longer recovery time than usual, which is what I'm doing here.
The surgery today went OK. I mean, I was put to sleep for it, so I have no idea what happened during the actual surgery. What I do know is that, when I woke up, I started crying. I don't mean a little. I mean, I was obviously and absolutely in tears. If I can put it this way, I cried myself awake. I had remembered that only a week or so ago, things weren't going well for me at all. That's what made me cry. I had managed, single-pawedly, to turn everything in my life upside-down, and so far, nothing I have been able to do has made anything better. Now, with limited Internet here, I'm almost powerless, but I'm doing the best I can.
Speaking of crying: yesterday, and again tonight, I've had to drink this awful stuff. It looks and tastes like medicated coffee. I've found that putting a ton of sugar and/or sweetener in it helps, but it's not a sure-fire cure. I'm putting off drinking it as best I can, but my nurse keeps coming in to see if I've taken it yet. This God-awful junk is supposed to lower my potassium, which has somehow gotten high apparently. It sure would be nice if there was such a thing as potassium binders, that I could take just like I take my phosphate binders. I hate this junk!!!!! I guess, if my headache ever clears up, I'll just do a "down the hatch" type maneuver...IF my headache clears up, because I find it hard to drink anything fast when I have a headache. This stuff even smells horrible!!! I feel like I've died and gone to hell here! And, I'm getting nauseous again. And, the Morphine hasn't yet helped any of the pain.
Did I ever mention...I'm sure I did...that I'm sooooooooooooo past sick and tired of all of this dialysis-related B.S.????? Yes. I seem to recall pointing that out.
DAMN!!
Although I just took two Percocets, being without painkillers for so long has made the pain almost unbearable, though at least I can still type.
Thanks to another splitting headache, I just asked for Morphine. That should help all of the pain I'm having. I wish I could take Morphine on a daily basis...not just when I'm here.
I'm in a wing with very limited Internet. Some of my favorite websites, I can check on my cell phone (Wireless Web, from Verizon). Email, I can still do from my computer. WLS-FM, my favorite radio station which I can only listen to online because it's in Chicago, will have to wait till I get home. This sucks. If I hadn't brought a Dick Biondi aircheck CD with me to listen to, I'd have to be Biondi-less. That's no fun at all; I've put myself through that before. FYI: I met Dick in person once, three years ago; we've kept in touch by phone before (until my last birthday, that is). He's a wonderful, wonderful person. This world would be a much better place if there were more people like Dick Biondi in it...if you happen to feel up to it, you can let him know I said that, and I mean it.
So anyway...I came by here to wish you a very, very Happy St. Patrick's Day. Personally, I don't have enough Irish blood in me to fill a thimble, but if someone wished me a Happy St. Patrick's Day, I'd be appreciative. Just a thought.
Enjoy this little Irish kitten, will ya??
And, as long as I'm here, I'll check back when I can. I presume I'll be home by next Monday. Damn, I hate being in the hospital for a whole week when I feel "fit as a fiddle"!!!!!!!! This is nuts! Just get me outta here and let's treat the infection on an outpatient basis again!!!!! (oops; sorry; I wasn't talking to you!)
Take Care!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Here's the thing...
So on January 28th, I had this graft put in my right arm.
A week and a half or so ago, this graft stopped working.
This week, this graft turned red, which is generally a sign of either clotting and/or infection.
For me, it's a sign of both.
This week, the blood tests that were done turned out positive for another damned infection.
(and another, and another, and another...Every time that I have had an artificial access put in me, it has gotten infected, over and over and over again...Damn, this got old well over a year ago!!)
So anyway, here's the scooperoni:
Monday after dialysis, I get to go back in the hospital again.
I plan to take my computer with me, BUT I may be offline more so than usual. You know how hospitals are.
I'm not sure how long exactly that I'll be in for (listen to me; I'm talking as though I was going to jail or something...but guess what??? Hospitals ARE an awful lot like jail...and I'm a repeat offender).
The thing is, the graft has to come out, the infection has to be treated, and once the infection clears up, a new graft will have to be put in.
Did I mention I'm beyond tired of all of this????
OK then.
Well, that's the scooperoni.
So if I happen to be offline for several days, that's why...or if I'm not online as much as usual, that's why.
I guess this will keep me out of trouble, but still...
That also means I'll miss wishing you all a lovely, lovely St. Patrick's Day!! I'd ask you to kiss me, but I'm not Irish. ;-)
A week and a half or so ago, this graft stopped working.
This week, this graft turned red, which is generally a sign of either clotting and/or infection.
For me, it's a sign of both.
This week, the blood tests that were done turned out positive for another damned infection.
(and another, and another, and another...Every time that I have had an artificial access put in me, it has gotten infected, over and over and over again...Damn, this got old well over a year ago!!)
So anyway, here's the scooperoni:
Monday after dialysis, I get to go back in the hospital again.
I plan to take my computer with me, BUT I may be offline more so than usual. You know how hospitals are.
I'm not sure how long exactly that I'll be in for (listen to me; I'm talking as though I was going to jail or something...but guess what??? Hospitals ARE an awful lot like jail...and I'm a repeat offender).
The thing is, the graft has to come out, the infection has to be treated, and once the infection clears up, a new graft will have to be put in.
Did I mention I'm beyond tired of all of this????
OK then.
Well, that's the scooperoni.
So if I happen to be offline for several days, that's why...or if I'm not online as much as usual, that's why.
I guess this will keep me out of trouble, but still...
That also means I'll miss wishing you all a lovely, lovely St. Patrick's Day!! I'd ask you to kiss me, but I'm not Irish. ;-)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
This is all wearing thin
By the way, I still haven't received the call that I'm waiting for, to tell me when my transplant will be. I so very much hope that my wait isn't a long one, because I can NOT take much more of this!
Here's what I cannot take much more of: one blasted dialysis infection after another, and along with every infection, my blood pressure goes down and makes the nurses think they have to stop my fluid removal, which means I end up with perpetual chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my beautiful blue eyes...AND I HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!
Two of my nurses this week already told me that I look cute that way. I will tell you the same thing that I told them: "I don't WANT to look "cute"!!! I want to look PRETTY again!!!!!!!"
And there ya have it.
As soon as I am feeling photogenic, I'll get a couple of pictures, of my new glasses. Quite possibly, my new glasses are the best thing to happen to my looks. Again, I have two pairs. They look a lot like the previous two pairs; however this is the first time that I've been able to get transition lenses in both pairs, and also progressive lenses for the first time in my life. Last two pairs, I could only afford to have one of them be transition lenses, but when I first wore that pair, I absolutely fell in love with it, so this time, I got both pairs that way. And this prescription was the first in my life that didn't allow me to choose; automatically, these had to be progressive lenses. When I read, I'm supposed to have to lift my chin a little, but so far, my reading vision is best right out the center. I hope that's a good thing!!!!
So much going on...
Next week, Tuesday I think...nope; Wednesday, the 18th...Tony and Jerry have to go in for their dental cleaning. I hope they're as easy to shuffle off to the v-e-t as their sister was!
More later...
For now, I've gotta rest this damn headache (not a new headache; the same one I've had for the last three days.)
Here's what I cannot take much more of: one blasted dialysis infection after another, and along with every infection, my blood pressure goes down and makes the nurses think they have to stop my fluid removal, which means I end up with perpetual chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my beautiful blue eyes...AND I HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!
Two of my nurses this week already told me that I look cute that way. I will tell you the same thing that I told them: "I don't WANT to look "cute"!!! I want to look PRETTY again!!!!!!!"
And there ya have it.
As soon as I am feeling photogenic, I'll get a couple of pictures, of my new glasses. Quite possibly, my new glasses are the best thing to happen to my looks. Again, I have two pairs. They look a lot like the previous two pairs; however this is the first time that I've been able to get transition lenses in both pairs, and also progressive lenses for the first time in my life. Last two pairs, I could only afford to have one of them be transition lenses, but when I first wore that pair, I absolutely fell in love with it, so this time, I got both pairs that way. And this prescription was the first in my life that didn't allow me to choose; automatically, these had to be progressive lenses. When I read, I'm supposed to have to lift my chin a little, but so far, my reading vision is best right out the center. I hope that's a good thing!!!!
So much going on...
Next week, Tuesday I think...nope; Wednesday, the 18th...Tony and Jerry have to go in for their dental cleaning. I hope they're as easy to shuffle off to the v-e-t as their sister was!
More later...
For now, I've gotta rest this damn headache (not a new headache; the same one I've had for the last three days.)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Graft Repair AND Catheter Removal CANCELLED!
So I went to have all of this done.
First of all, the doctor at the CDC Center said he didn’t want to take the catheter out today, because he wanted me to have at least one good treatment using the graft after he unclotted it.
So the catheter removal was rescheduled for Thursday.
HOWEVAH: when he looked at the graft, which was all red and felt warm, he said it looked infected. Without doing any kind of surgery or procedure—just looking at my arm—he said that it looked infected.
At Fresenius, they told me it was red from the EMLA cream, which I have not used since last Friday.
Well, DAMN!!!!!
And because it was infected, everything—catheter removal and all—was again cancelled. Nothing happens until we treat the infection of the graft.
This goddamn graft was supposed to be the 8th wonder of the world!! My life was supposed to be free of infections, free of trouble, this graft was supposed to be the next best thing to having a transplant!!!! DAMN IT!!!!! So after all of the catheter infections, I finally get a graft, and it too is infected!!!!
DAMN IT!!!!
Not only that, but over at Fresenius, don’t they know shit???????!!!! I guess not!
My blood pressure would drop low during treatment, and I kept saying, there’s gotta be something else going on, but what… All that they would do was to put the fluid removal on hold, and then I’d leave treatment with the same puffy chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my eyes, as I had going in to treatment. So not enough fluid was being taken off of me because my blood pressure was dropping. NEWS FLASH: my blood pressure was dropping because of this INFECTION!!!!!!!! Just like it always has. Over the last two years…when I was on “PD” and got peritonitis, same damn thing. Same thing with every single catheter infection. Now, the graft is infected. So of course my blood pressure is going to go down!!!
Damn it, I hate having so many medical problems!!!!!
Today or tomorrow should be the day that I hear a definite “yes” from the Transplant Committee. I hope so, because I can’t keep doing this “emergency run to get a graft and/or a catheter” taken care of!!!!!!!!! I can’t keep doing this at all!!!
So I must remain optimistic about my transplant. It’s gotta happen. They’ve gotta say yes!!!!!!!! They’ve just gotta say yes!!!!!!!!!!
So at this point, I have NO idea when the graft will be repaired, and I have NO idea when the catheter will be taken out...which means, it might be longer than I thought before that visual of yours, of me taking showers again, can come true!! (BUT--hang on to that visual--it couldn't be THAT bad!!)
While I'm at it...that damn chair over at CDC made my tailbone hurt again!! Damn, it hurts again!! If it gets better, I'd prefer that, because if it gets worse, I won't be able to walk. I'm walking OK so far--THIS time...but last September, I couldn't walk for a good month or two until I got myself a pair of crutches, which are now essentially useless, because of the graft in my arm.
First of all, the doctor at the CDC Center said he didn’t want to take the catheter out today, because he wanted me to have at least one good treatment using the graft after he unclotted it.
So the catheter removal was rescheduled for Thursday.
HOWEVAH: when he looked at the graft, which was all red and felt warm, he said it looked infected. Without doing any kind of surgery or procedure—just looking at my arm—he said that it looked infected.
At Fresenius, they told me it was red from the EMLA cream, which I have not used since last Friday.
Well, DAMN!!!!!
And because it was infected, everything—catheter removal and all—was again cancelled. Nothing happens until we treat the infection of the graft.
This goddamn graft was supposed to be the 8th wonder of the world!! My life was supposed to be free of infections, free of trouble, this graft was supposed to be the next best thing to having a transplant!!!! DAMN IT!!!!! So after all of the catheter infections, I finally get a graft, and it too is infected!!!!
DAMN IT!!!!
Not only that, but over at Fresenius, don’t they know shit???????!!!! I guess not!
My blood pressure would drop low during treatment, and I kept saying, there’s gotta be something else going on, but what… All that they would do was to put the fluid removal on hold, and then I’d leave treatment with the same puffy chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my eyes, as I had going in to treatment. So not enough fluid was being taken off of me because my blood pressure was dropping. NEWS FLASH: my blood pressure was dropping because of this INFECTION!!!!!!!! Just like it always has. Over the last two years…when I was on “PD” and got peritonitis, same damn thing. Same thing with every single catheter infection. Now, the graft is infected. So of course my blood pressure is going to go down!!!
Damn it, I hate having so many medical problems!!!!!
Today or tomorrow should be the day that I hear a definite “yes” from the Transplant Committee. I hope so, because I can’t keep doing this “emergency run to get a graft and/or a catheter” taken care of!!!!!!!!! I can’t keep doing this at all!!!
So I must remain optimistic about my transplant. It’s gotta happen. They’ve gotta say yes!!!!!!!! They’ve just gotta say yes!!!!!!!!!!
So at this point, I have NO idea when the graft will be repaired, and I have NO idea when the catheter will be taken out...which means, it might be longer than I thought before that visual of yours, of me taking showers again, can come true!! (BUT--hang on to that visual--it couldn't be THAT bad!!)
While I'm at it...that damn chair over at CDC made my tailbone hurt again!! Damn, it hurts again!! If it gets better, I'd prefer that, because if it gets worse, I won't be able to walk. I'm walking OK so far--THIS time...but last September, I couldn't walk for a good month or two until I got myself a pair of crutches, which are now essentially useless, because of the graft in my arm.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Transplant update
So here's the scooperoni.
My donor finished his testing, and it looks good so far.
He says the Transplant team at the Cleveland Clinic has to have their committee meeting tomorrow (Tuesday the 10th), so we'll know some time after that. He's guessing that he'll hear from someone, as will I, so that's what we're doing now, is waiting for them to tell us the good news and give us dates for our surgeries.
So, I'd guess that by Easter, I'll have my transplant. That's just an optimistic guess, and that's what I've gotta be at the moment--optimistic.
Meanwhile, I talked to my nephrologist and my nurse today. So the scoop is that I have to cut back big time on my fluid intake until my transplant, because apparently when we try to take too much fluid off at once, that's a problem with the graft. So the solution is to not drink so much in the first place; that way I won't have to put up with having chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my eyes. I mean, in case my pictures don't tell you so, I have big blue eyes (beauty is in the eye of the beholder...you tell me)...so when my cheeks puff up over my eyes because I'm waterlogged, it drives me totally bonkers! So, it's less than a 500-mL bottle of water per day for me...and preferably no soup.
Thank God my transplant is coming up soon, because I love ice chips--to a damn fault!
Again, I'm outta here. ;-)
My donor finished his testing, and it looks good so far.
He says the Transplant team at the Cleveland Clinic has to have their committee meeting tomorrow (Tuesday the 10th), so we'll know some time after that. He's guessing that he'll hear from someone, as will I, so that's what we're doing now, is waiting for them to tell us the good news and give us dates for our surgeries.
So, I'd guess that by Easter, I'll have my transplant. That's just an optimistic guess, and that's what I've gotta be at the moment--optimistic.
Meanwhile, I talked to my nephrologist and my nurse today. So the scoop is that I have to cut back big time on my fluid intake until my transplant, because apparently when we try to take too much fluid off at once, that's a problem with the graft. So the solution is to not drink so much in the first place; that way I won't have to put up with having chipmunk cheeks puffing up over my eyes. I mean, in case my pictures don't tell you so, I have big blue eyes (beauty is in the eye of the beholder...you tell me)...so when my cheeks puff up over my eyes because I'm waterlogged, it drives me totally bonkers! So, it's less than a 500-mL bottle of water per day for me...and preferably no soup.
Thank God my transplant is coming up soon, because I love ice chips--to a damn fault!
Again, I'm outta here. ;-)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
3 months & 7 days.....
So next Monday--the 16th--will be exactly 3 months before my birthday.
Can I level with ya????
I don't really want another birthday.
Again, I'm bummed. Worn out. Dejected. And besides, last year, I was made to absolutely regret ever having a birthday.
So, I really don't want another birthday.
However, I don't want to bring you down. So, I'll again disappear.
Laaaaaaaaaaater!
Can I level with ya????
I don't really want another birthday.
Again, I'm bummed. Worn out. Dejected. And besides, last year, I was made to absolutely regret ever having a birthday.
So, I really don't want another birthday.
However, I don't want to bring you down. So, I'll again disappear.
Laaaaaaaaaaater!
Graft Repair This Week >:-(
Yes, I'm upset about that.
I got this graft only a little over a month ago.
I was led to believe that it was the best thing that could ever happen to me--short of a transplant, that is.
I was led to believe that it was practically the 8th wonder of the world.
HA!!!!!
Last Wednesday (the same day that my donor was supposed to have finished his testing, so now it SHOULD only be a matter of time before we find out when his nephrectomy, and my transplant, will be), there was a bit of trouble with clotting on the machine. But I was told that it was the machine's fault, not the graft.
Coincidence???? I wonder. That night, after I got home, I listened for my blood running through the damn graft, and I heard nothing. I felt for a pulse, and I felt nothing. For the first time in all of this time that I've had this graft, I suddenly heard and felt nothing.
So Friday, the catheter was used, as it will be tomorrow (IF I can drag myself to treatment!!!!). I look forward to the fact that on Tuesday, either before or after the graft gets repaired, the catheter will come out, and then it will only be a matter of days before I can start taking showers again (now THERE's a visual for you!!...HA!).
However, this "trouble with this, trouble with that" part of dialysis is BEYOND wearing thin!!!!
Besides, sometimes I wonder why I even bother!! It would be sooooooooo easy--and damn-near tempting--to just quit, and in a week and a half, no one would have to worry about me ever again. Don't think I wouldn't love to go that route.
Sorry for all of this talk. I'm bummed, that's all.
And before I say too much, I'm going to disappear again.
I got this graft only a little over a month ago.
I was led to believe that it was the best thing that could ever happen to me--short of a transplant, that is.
I was led to believe that it was practically the 8th wonder of the world.
HA!!!!!
Last Wednesday (the same day that my donor was supposed to have finished his testing, so now it SHOULD only be a matter of time before we find out when his nephrectomy, and my transplant, will be), there was a bit of trouble with clotting on the machine. But I was told that it was the machine's fault, not the graft.
Coincidence???? I wonder. That night, after I got home, I listened for my blood running through the damn graft, and I heard nothing. I felt for a pulse, and I felt nothing. For the first time in all of this time that I've had this graft, I suddenly heard and felt nothing.
So Friday, the catheter was used, as it will be tomorrow (IF I can drag myself to treatment!!!!). I look forward to the fact that on Tuesday, either before or after the graft gets repaired, the catheter will come out, and then it will only be a matter of days before I can start taking showers again (now THERE's a visual for you!!...HA!).
However, this "trouble with this, trouble with that" part of dialysis is BEYOND wearing thin!!!!
Besides, sometimes I wonder why I even bother!! It would be sooooooooo easy--and damn-near tempting--to just quit, and in a week and a half, no one would have to worry about me ever again. Don't think I wouldn't love to go that route.
Sorry for all of this talk. I'm bummed, that's all.
And before I say too much, I'm going to disappear again.
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