So next Monday--the 16th--will be exactly 3 months before my birthday.
Can I level with ya????
I don't really want another birthday.
Again, I'm bummed. Worn out. Dejected. And besides, last year, I was made to absolutely regret ever having a birthday.
So, I really don't want another birthday.
However, I don't want to bring you down. So, I'll again disappear.
Laaaaaaaaaaater!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Graft Repair This Week >:-(
Yes, I'm upset about that.
I got this graft only a little over a month ago.
I was led to believe that it was the best thing that could ever happen to me--short of a transplant, that is.
I was led to believe that it was practically the 8th wonder of the world.
HA!!!!!
Last Wednesday (the same day that my donor was supposed to have finished his testing, so now it SHOULD only be a matter of time before we find out when his nephrectomy, and my transplant, will be), there was a bit of trouble with clotting on the machine. But I was told that it was the machine's fault, not the graft.
Coincidence???? I wonder. That night, after I got home, I listened for my blood running through the damn graft, and I heard nothing. I felt for a pulse, and I felt nothing. For the first time in all of this time that I've had this graft, I suddenly heard and felt nothing.
So Friday, the catheter was used, as it will be tomorrow (IF I can drag myself to treatment!!!!). I look forward to the fact that on Tuesday, either before or after the graft gets repaired, the catheter will come out, and then it will only be a matter of days before I can start taking showers again (now THERE's a visual for you!!...HA!).
However, this "trouble with this, trouble with that" part of dialysis is BEYOND wearing thin!!!!
Besides, sometimes I wonder why I even bother!! It would be sooooooooo easy--and damn-near tempting--to just quit, and in a week and a half, no one would have to worry about me ever again. Don't think I wouldn't love to go that route.
Sorry for all of this talk. I'm bummed, that's all.
And before I say too much, I'm going to disappear again.
I got this graft only a little over a month ago.
I was led to believe that it was the best thing that could ever happen to me--short of a transplant, that is.
I was led to believe that it was practically the 8th wonder of the world.
HA!!!!!
Last Wednesday (the same day that my donor was supposed to have finished his testing, so now it SHOULD only be a matter of time before we find out when his nephrectomy, and my transplant, will be), there was a bit of trouble with clotting on the machine. But I was told that it was the machine's fault, not the graft.
Coincidence???? I wonder. That night, after I got home, I listened for my blood running through the damn graft, and I heard nothing. I felt for a pulse, and I felt nothing. For the first time in all of this time that I've had this graft, I suddenly heard and felt nothing.
So Friday, the catheter was used, as it will be tomorrow (IF I can drag myself to treatment!!!!). I look forward to the fact that on Tuesday, either before or after the graft gets repaired, the catheter will come out, and then it will only be a matter of days before I can start taking showers again (now THERE's a visual for you!!...HA!).
However, this "trouble with this, trouble with that" part of dialysis is BEYOND wearing thin!!!!
Besides, sometimes I wonder why I even bother!! It would be sooooooooo easy--and damn-near tempting--to just quit, and in a week and a half, no one would have to worry about me ever again. Don't think I wouldn't love to go that route.
Sorry for all of this talk. I'm bummed, that's all.
And before I say too much, I'm going to disappear again.
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