Yes, I'm upset about that.
I got this graft only a little over a month ago.
I was led to believe that it was the best thing that could ever happen to me--short of a transplant, that is.
I was led to believe that it was practically the 8th wonder of the world.
HA!!!!!
Last Wednesday (the same day that my donor was supposed to have finished his testing, so now it SHOULD only be a matter of time before we find out when his nephrectomy, and my transplant, will be), there was a bit of trouble with clotting on the machine. But I was told that it was the machine's fault, not the graft.
Coincidence???? I wonder. That night, after I got home, I listened for my blood running through the damn graft, and I heard nothing. I felt for a pulse, and I felt nothing. For the first time in all of this time that I've had this graft, I suddenly heard and felt nothing.
So Friday, the catheter was used, as it will be tomorrow (IF I can drag myself to treatment!!!!). I look forward to the fact that on Tuesday, either before or after the graft gets repaired, the catheter will come out, and then it will only be a matter of days before I can start taking showers again (now THERE's a visual for you!!...HA!).
However, this "trouble with this, trouble with that" part of dialysis is BEYOND wearing thin!!!!
Besides, sometimes I wonder why I even bother!! It would be sooooooooo easy--and damn-near tempting--to just quit, and in a week and a half, no one would have to worry about me ever again. Don't think I wouldn't love to go that route.
Sorry for all of this talk. I'm bummed, that's all.
And before I say too much, I'm going to disappear again.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
My 10-year anniversary--
I just remembered....Oh, sure, at 11:30 at night, I finally remembered...today, 2/23/09, was the 10-year anniversary of when my divorce became final.
I thought surely I'd be married again by now.
(*SIGH*)
Oh well...maybe after my transplant.
I thought surely I'd be married again by now.
(*SIGH*)
Oh well...maybe after my transplant.
It'll pay to think POSITIVE!!
This afternoon, while I'm having a splitting dialysis headache (again), I was reminded that some people haven't yet learned that if you want something to happen, you have to think positive!!!
Apparently my 64-year-old mother hasn't learned this yet. She went ahead and rescheduled our dental appointments, which were originally at the end of April, and set them for the beginning of May. Why???? Because this week, and this month, I will have dialysis on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday????? So automatically I'll have dialysis those three days a week in three months from now????????? I'm supposed to have my transplant before then!!!!!!
I basically had kittens. First of all, my donor is going to finish up his testing next Wednesday, March 4th. He's still in perfect health, his kidneys still work beautifully, so there's really nothing else I have to wait for other than for him to have his nephrectomy, and that shouldn't be too far down the line at all. By April 22, I'll either be having my transplant that week or I will have just had it. How do I know?????? Because I am thinking POSITIVE!!!
According to my experience, in my short life, you've got to think positive if you want something to happen. There's no other way. If you're in bad health, you've got to think positive if you're ever going to feel better. If you want to have a transplant, or a hysterectomy, or in my case both, you've got to think positive.
Somehow, I don't think I'm wrong. Whereas Mom has been married for 40 years, and pretty much stuck here like fine china, I went out into the real world. I met other people. I lived. So I know that for something to happen, you have to think positive. Affirm, even! Affirm yourself to better health. Affirm a transplant & a hysterectomy. Affirm, affirm.
Feedback????!!!!
Now that I got that off my chest....the needle today again didn't hurt going in, but hurt like the devil coming out, and my arm again hurt for a while after the needle came out.
And now that I shared that with you, I've gotta take a quick nap and see if this headache clears up.
Apparently my 64-year-old mother hasn't learned this yet. She went ahead and rescheduled our dental appointments, which were originally at the end of April, and set them for the beginning of May. Why???? Because this week, and this month, I will have dialysis on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday????? So automatically I'll have dialysis those three days a week in three months from now????????? I'm supposed to have my transplant before then!!!!!!
I basically had kittens. First of all, my donor is going to finish up his testing next Wednesday, March 4th. He's still in perfect health, his kidneys still work beautifully, so there's really nothing else I have to wait for other than for him to have his nephrectomy, and that shouldn't be too far down the line at all. By April 22, I'll either be having my transplant that week or I will have just had it. How do I know?????? Because I am thinking POSITIVE!!!
According to my experience, in my short life, you've got to think positive if you want something to happen. There's no other way. If you're in bad health, you've got to think positive if you're ever going to feel better. If you want to have a transplant, or a hysterectomy, or in my case both, you've got to think positive.
Somehow, I don't think I'm wrong. Whereas Mom has been married for 40 years, and pretty much stuck here like fine china, I went out into the real world. I met other people. I lived. So I know that for something to happen, you have to think positive. Affirm, even! Affirm yourself to better health. Affirm a transplant & a hysterectomy. Affirm, affirm.
Feedback????!!!!
Now that I got that off my chest....the needle today again didn't hurt going in, but hurt like the devil coming out, and my arm again hurt for a while after the needle came out.
And now that I shared that with you, I've gotta take a quick nap and see if this headache clears up.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
One year ago today...
It's the 13th already.
YIKES! It's Friday the 13th! That's even worse!
One year ago today, was when I finally let myself get taken over to the ICU at University Hospitals, in downtown Cleveland.
For about a week, I had been getting dizzy and passing out often, without a warning. I remember that talking myself out of it didn't work; I had tried talking myself out of it while I was on the stairs which go from our attic to our living room, and I fell right down. My blood pressure had gone way down (when I say down, I mean like, the triage nurse told me I was "not dead yet"), I was severely dehydrated, I had peritonitis, and I had been getting inadequate dialysis for at least since I started on what's affectionately called "PD" (Peritoneal Dialysis). I was a mess, alright. On the plus side, I was nice and slender. I remember how bony my little paws looked. That's how I prefer to look...even if it wasn't right.
While in the ICU, one of the doctors told me that if I hadn't gone in the way I did, I might have eventally slipped into a coma and ultimately passed away.
One year later, I wish I had gone that route. All I have is a $3,000+ bill, for nothing.
YIKES! It's Friday the 13th! That's even worse!
One year ago today, was when I finally let myself get taken over to the ICU at University Hospitals, in downtown Cleveland.
For about a week, I had been getting dizzy and passing out often, without a warning. I remember that talking myself out of it didn't work; I had tried talking myself out of it while I was on the stairs which go from our attic to our living room, and I fell right down. My blood pressure had gone way down (when I say down, I mean like, the triage nurse told me I was "not dead yet"), I was severely dehydrated, I had peritonitis, and I had been getting inadequate dialysis for at least since I started on what's affectionately called "PD" (Peritoneal Dialysis). I was a mess, alright. On the plus side, I was nice and slender. I remember how bony my little paws looked. That's how I prefer to look...even if it wasn't right.
While in the ICU, one of the doctors told me that if I hadn't gone in the way I did, I might have eventally slipped into a coma and ultimately passed away.
One year later, I wish I had gone that route. All I have is a $3,000+ bill, for nothing.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
So far, so good...I think.
Well, so far, so good.
I haven't yet gotten addicted to Percocet. On the contrary: I don't always take it when I need it.
Last time I got addicted to anything, though, I got addicted to having less, rather than more. It's true. Years ago...let me check...aaahhh, 24 years ago almost, I started an innocent diet, and it turned into a full-blown eating disorder. I recovered after one year/-30 lbs.
That brings me to a point. I never heard of a kidney disease being caused by an eating disorder. I just hope that wasn't the case at all!!! Even if it was, I didn't mean to carry my diet out of control. It just sort of happened that way. I didn't mean to give myself PKD, and besides, I don't think I did.
To this day, though, I wonder.
I also wish I was as thin as I was then...but, at this point, I think I'd better be more concerned about my health. I promise I won't put my new kidney through that at all!!
I do have it in me, though, to lose my appetite on a dime and not get it back for two or three days. But that's different, really.
I can hardly wait till my transplant anyway!!! The thought of those needles is enough to make me reeeeeally nervous.
I'll be back later...or in a couple days.
I haven't yet gotten addicted to Percocet. On the contrary: I don't always take it when I need it.
Last time I got addicted to anything, though, I got addicted to having less, rather than more. It's true. Years ago...let me check...aaahhh, 24 years ago almost, I started an innocent diet, and it turned into a full-blown eating disorder. I recovered after one year/-30 lbs.
That brings me to a point. I never heard of a kidney disease being caused by an eating disorder. I just hope that wasn't the case at all!!! Even if it was, I didn't mean to carry my diet out of control. It just sort of happened that way. I didn't mean to give myself PKD, and besides, I don't think I did.
To this day, though, I wonder.
I also wish I was as thin as I was then...but, at this point, I think I'd better be more concerned about my health. I promise I won't put my new kidney through that at all!!
I do have it in me, though, to lose my appetite on a dime and not get it back for two or three days. But that's different, really.
I can hardly wait till my transplant anyway!!! The thought of those needles is enough to make me reeeeeally nervous.
I'll be back later...or in a couple days.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
2-3 lonnnnnnnnnng months...
Looks like the next 2-3 months of dialysis may be long ones.
Why??
Well, first I was told I couldn't take Excedrin after I had the graft put in last week.
Now, here's an interesting fact: the ONLY painkillers that work for me are Excedrin and Percocet. This leaves Percocet. So....as long as I take it as prescribed, which I am, I'll be okay. BUT--as prescribed could become habit-forming.
And, as if that's not enough, to prepare for having needles in my arm during dialysis, I get to take yet another controlled med: Ativan. I'm familiar with it. I actually like it a lot. I wish I could always be on it.
Hmmmmm.....so now, thanks to the short time of dialysis that I have left, I get a chance to become dependent on two of my meds???
Wish me luck. I'm sure I won't think I need them, per se, when this is all over. Then again....my nurse might be creating a monster.
Naaaaaaaaaaaahhhh...
Just thought I'd put in my two-cents worth in about that. You know, it's essentially impossible to get controlled meds refilled??? It's true. I've tried. When my tailbone was hurting so much that I couldn't even walk, except with crutches...I tried to get a refill on Percocet; didn't happen.
Gee whiz, I hope I make it through the next 2 - 3 months without getting hooked!!
And then, when it's all done, there's the Excedrin, which I never was really hooked on, per se; I just started getting analgesic rebound headaches and ended up taking like 20 Excedrins a day...but that was 7 years ago. Now, I get to start from scratch.
I'm soooooooooooooo thrilled, again, that my transplant is so near on the horizon!!!!! The question now is, how long will my new kidney last???? If it's a healthy one, it should last forever. I plan to take all my post-transplant meds exactly as prescribed, whatever it takes. And, since all I had wrong with my old kidneys was PKD, I've read that PKD doesn't affect the replacement kidney, so--other than the fact that I have a polycystic liver--I'll be practically cured, as long as I don't inherit Mom's diabetes!!!!
If you've been keeping me in your thoughts & prayers, I thank you soooooooooo very much!! None of this might be happening without your help!! I love you!
Why??
Well, first I was told I couldn't take Excedrin after I had the graft put in last week.
Now, here's an interesting fact: the ONLY painkillers that work for me are Excedrin and Percocet. This leaves Percocet. So....as long as I take it as prescribed, which I am, I'll be okay. BUT--as prescribed could become habit-forming.
And, as if that's not enough, to prepare for having needles in my arm during dialysis, I get to take yet another controlled med: Ativan. I'm familiar with it. I actually like it a lot. I wish I could always be on it.
Hmmmmm.....so now, thanks to the short time of dialysis that I have left, I get a chance to become dependent on two of my meds???
Wish me luck. I'm sure I won't think I need them, per se, when this is all over. Then again....my nurse might be creating a monster.
Naaaaaaaaaaaahhhh...
Just thought I'd put in my two-cents worth in about that. You know, it's essentially impossible to get controlled meds refilled??? It's true. I've tried. When my tailbone was hurting so much that I couldn't even walk, except with crutches...I tried to get a refill on Percocet; didn't happen.
Gee whiz, I hope I make it through the next 2 - 3 months without getting hooked!!
And then, when it's all done, there's the Excedrin, which I never was really hooked on, per se; I just started getting analgesic rebound headaches and ended up taking like 20 Excedrins a day...but that was 7 years ago. Now, I get to start from scratch.
I'm soooooooooooooo thrilled, again, that my transplant is so near on the horizon!!!!! The question now is, how long will my new kidney last???? If it's a healthy one, it should last forever. I plan to take all my post-transplant meds exactly as prescribed, whatever it takes. And, since all I had wrong with my old kidneys was PKD, I've read that PKD doesn't affect the replacement kidney, so--other than the fact that I have a polycystic liver--I'll be practically cured, as long as I don't inherit Mom's diabetes!!!!
If you've been keeping me in your thoughts & prayers, I thank you soooooooooo very much!! None of this might be happening without your help!! I love you!
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